S3E6: Is Boarding School the Right Choice?
Today's question of the week- "Is Boarding School the Right Choice for me?"
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Today's question of the week- “Is boarding school the right choice for me?"
In today's episode, Thomas discusses US boarding schools. He shares some details from his own experience as a Taft student and parent through the years, as well as advice on who might be a good fit for boarding school life.
Have your own question you want answered? Leave us a comment on social media @admittedlypodcast for a chance to get featured.
About Thomas
Thomas is a parent and alumnus of the University of Pennsylvania. After earning his MBA at the Wharton School in 2003, he moved to Silicon Valley. For three years, he was director of admissions and financial aid at Wharton School. He worked closely with admissions professionals, students, alumni, and professors to create the best possible MBA class.
Thomas has been an entrepreneur his entire life in the fields of finance, agriculture, wellness, and sporting goods. As the founder of Global Education Opportunities, he works with diverse and underserved communities to help them become successful college students. Thomas started the podcast Admittedly because he is passionate about demystifying the application process for parents and applicants.
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Hello and welcome to the Admittedly Podcast. I'm your host, Thomas Caleel, and today we're going to talk about boarding schools. I've been getting a lot of questions from parents and students about boarding schools. Are they a good idea? Which boarding school is best? Is it an automatic, guaranteed superhighway to the Ivy Leagues?
Let's start by deconstructing what a boarding school is. There are a lot of different types of boarding schools. There are U. S. boarding schools, U. K. boarding schools, boarding schools in Switzerland. Today I'm going to talk primarily about U. S. boarding schools. They're generally schools that students live at. There are day student options, but it is a closed community. The school acts in loco parentis. You turn your child over to boarding school and in full caveat, full disclosure, I attended boarding school. I went to the Taft school. My oldest child is at the Taft school now. So I have experience both as a student and a parent at boarding school.
These schools for the right student. It can be an incredible experience. And I think it's very important when you're thinking about boarding school to start with first principles around why are we doing this. Most importantly, it needs to come from the student. Your student really needs to be invested in this process because otherwise they're not, the application process most likely will not be successful and if it is successful, they most likely will not have a good experience and going to the best boarding school, going to Andover, Exeter, Choate, Taft, whatever that might be, if the child is not ready for it and their heart is not into it, is going to be usually a disaster.
So, why would you go to boarding school? Boarding school is great for students that want to explore and assert their independence, that want to study in an intensely academically rigorous environment that like the smaller class size and the Harkness Table method of learning. The Harkness Table is a unique style of learning where the students will sit around a table or desks in a circle and It's a very student led conversation, so the instructor is maybe providing prompts, or sometimes pushing back a little bit, but a lot of it is a very dynamic interaction between the students.
And it's a very special way of learning. It really teaches you to present an idea, defend a thesis, learn from your classmates. It does not reward timidity. It does not reward the student who prefers to sit back and think and think and think, and then fall behind the conversation. It really is good for students who are, who Comfortable with being wrong, comfortable with being challenged, comfortable with putting their ideas out there, and it is a skill and it can be learned, but it is something I think to look at quite closely when you're looking at the learning style of the boarding school and asking yourself as a student, is this an environment where I will feel comfortable and succeed?
What are some of the differences between boarding school and your local public school or local private school? Well, obviously the main difference is that you're there to learn. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And so it gives you a lot more time to do things, which is very liberating. You don't have family commitments.
You don't have to commute places. It frees up a lot of your time. You can develop very strong bonds with your classmates because you live with them. You see them day in, day out, and it gives you an opportunity. I think it gives you some extra time in the day to explore different extracurricular activities.
One of the best things about boarding school is that there is a wealth of opportunity to engage and do things that you're passionate about. Start clubs, join clubs, sports, arts, theater, all of these things, independent study projects. So, one of the dangers of course is that there are so many things to do that it's easy to get lost, it's easy to get overwhelmed.
But for a student who can step back and be thoughtful about their path through boarding school, it really is a way for you to drink deeply and really explore your options and opportunities. I would also say that on the academic side, one of the really nice things about boarding school is that most of them will have programs where the teachers can teach small seminar classes for the junior and senior class.
And you get some really interesting explorations around. Society, roles in society, gender, history, political science, global conflict. And these are classes that seminars that might change year over year, but it really is an interesting way for you to jump in and go down academic paths. You might not get an opportunity to do at, say, a local public school.
I can remember as a personal example, my senior year, I had finished up AP English junior year, tested out. And so my English class senior year was myself and another classmate, friend of mine, and we would go to the head of the English department's home on Sunday evenings and he and his wife would make us dinner, and we would sit and discuss the two or three books that he had assigned for us to read.
And it was just this really interesting kind of great books approach to learning, and it really had a lasting impact on me and how I feel about the process of education and what it means to learn and grow in an academic setting. So, those are some high-level things. I think for parents, you need to think about your child's independence because there is peer pressure at boarding school.
And they don't necessarily have you to come home to, and you're not checking in on them every day. And as a parent, that drive to and from school is very important. It's that time really where you can kind of assess, how's my child doing? What are they thinking about? Are they upset about something? And even every once in a while.
They talk to you about it, which is, which is very nice. But at boarding school, they are remote. They are under the influence of teachers and classmates. And so you really need to think about, okay, how will my child adapt to this environment? Are they strong enough to hold their own? Are they strong enough to call me when they have a concern, when they need help?
And that's a very real thing. You know, there are Uh, certainly issues with drugs, alcohol, peer pressure at boarding schools, just like there are everywhere else. The schools really try and provide a supportive and monitoring environment, but certainly your child will be exposed to things like that, and you want to make sure that they are able to thrive in that kind of a challenging environment.
It's also very hard and very lonely. No matter what you're used to, no matter how close you are to home, you're on your own, you're in a dorm, you're sharing your room with somebody, especially freshman year, you don't know this person, and so how will your child adapt to that? How will your child thrive in that environment?
It's a great way to teach resiliency, it's a great way for them to grow into their own voice, their own personality, but certainly something we want to do. to keep an eye on and something that is apparent, you do want to make sure that they are finding their footing. They are finding their place and they are growing in that environment.
Now, each of these boarding schools, of course, is very different, right? And questions that I get, for example, between U. S. boarding schools, U. K. boarding schools is how does this prepare my child for university, uh, for college? If they go to a U. K. boarding school, are they excluded from the U. S. admissions process. And the answer is no. If they go to a good boarding school in the UK, the U. S. universities will be familiar with that school. They'll be familiar many times with the, the curriculum is A level or IB, two very well-known standards to US universities. And so as long as they push themselves, challenge themselves and do well, their academic experience there will be well regarded.
In the US and other places, there is a misconception that if I send my child to a good boarding school they are absolutely on a fast track to a top university. Why is that not true? Well, one of the main issues is that, A, universities tend to regard boarding schools as a very homogeneous environment.
Right? They are generally students that are privileged to be there, that are very hardworking, very smart. And so there's a very high bar there for you to stand out. It's difficult for you as a student to stand out in an environment where your peers are all motivated, smart, enthusiastic, accomplished.
Right? So you have to work very hard there to find your own niche. Not to outdo everyone. necessarily, but find those things that you excel at and involve yourself in the community. Where I see students getting into trouble is they go, uh, maybe they're just very far from home. Maybe they're just not ready from a maturity standpoint.
And so they don't take advantage of what's offered. They get to junior year, their resume is very thin and they're saying, Oh my gosh, all my classmates have taken harder classes or they've done more things. And at that point, it's very hard to. Backfill those experiences and, you know, get to be, you know, leader in a club or start a club.
Um, and so that can backfire. And the other thing is that top universities are not going to take generally 20 students from Andover or Exeter, right? Sometimes they do, but they're trying to increase their diversity on all metrics. And so sometimes going to a particular university, that boarding school might only send 3, 4, 5 students.
And so the competition to be one of those students is huge. intense and very, very fierce. So getting into a top boarding school is in no way a guarantee that you're going to get admitted to a top university. You have to work extra, extra hard when you're at boarding school to distinguish yourself and position yourself to be competitive in the university admissions process.
And by the way, once you get to university, If you're going to a top university, that process is also competitive to go to a good graduate school. And then when you get to a good graduate school, it's competitive for employment or further PhD study. So this never ends. I guess you're getting a head start on it by, by starting in boarding school.
But it is something that I think you need to assess. Will my child, will I, as a student thrive in this environment? When we think about the application process for boarding school, it's a little unique. And it's unique because the boarding school definitely, boarding schools will look at the parents and they'll look at the student.
What are they trying to assess? They're trying to assess, first of all, and most importantly, the student. Do they have the academic aptitude? Do they have the right attitude for this? Why are they applying to boarding school? And this is very, very important. Who is driving this process? And it's very important that the student is seen driving the process.
So every time a contact is made with the school, it should come from the student. You need to call to set up a tour? Student. Do you need to email admissions to check on something in your application? Student. All of these things. When you go on the tour, if you do go on a tour, parents, and I know it's hard, you're walking behind your student.
You're letting your student interact with the tour guide. You're letting your student ask questions. Now certainly, you shouldn't be mute. You can participate, but don't overtake the conversation because the tour guides do report back on the tour and they will say, hey, you know what, All the parents did was pester me with questions and talk over their child.
And the child just didn't really seem enthusiastic to be here. Versus parents asked some great questions, but the student really was really engaged. They had an idea that they really wanted to study STEM. We spent some extra time in the science building. I showed them the biology lab. They were really excited about that.
That makes a big difference. It's also the reason why most boarding schools Well, interview the parents and the students separately because they want to see why, you know, to the parents. Why are you sending your child away? Why do you want to send your 13 year old across the country or across the world to do this?
What is your reasoning? And then asking the student as well, you know, Tell us about yourself. What books are you reading? What do you do outside of of school work? What's your home environment like? What do you like to do on weekends? Because the grades will paint the picture of the academics. They are looking as always for intellectual curiosity.
What spark are you bringing to boarding school? And they're also trying to assess if you will be successful at boarding school because just being smart is not enough to be successful at boarding school. And they want people who come in the community who do participate, who do grow, and everyone will be challenged in some way in boarding school, but they want their students to thrive, right?
They want you to come and thrive. Another question that I get asked a lot of times is, should I repeat a year? And that's a strategy. It's a strategy a lot of students will use, and sometimes it's for good reasons. Sometimes their academic preparation hasn't really gotten them to a level where they can thrive at a demanding boarding school, and so it's helpful for them to retake a year.
Sometimes it's more strategic. It might be for sports, it might be for academics. We see a lot of students from particular demographics who will repeat, who will even sometimes finish 10th grade and go back and start from scratch in ninth grade at a top boarding school. And then they'll be older. They'll have already taken a lot of those classes.
So that's a little strategic. Not entirely in favor of that, but certainly there is an argument to say, Hey, you know what? Repeating ninth grade is going to be very beneficial for me academically, socially, and, you know, starting anew and doing that. But I think at the end of the day, that's a personal decision, and you need to think about intellectually, academically, socially, how will you respond to repeating that year?
But it can certainly be advantageous. So As we're thinking about boarding schools, they are not a guaranteed ticket to the Ivy League. They are challenging in their own ways. But they can be a very unique and transformative experience for the right student with the right motivation and the right family support.
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